Hating math, but in love with numbers

Word du jour: Lassitude -- the attitude of a collie after little Timmy falls into the well for the 20th time. "Honestly, that kid needs to learn to swim already."

Alternate definitions:

1.	weariness of body or mind from strain, oppressive climate, etc.; lack of energy; listlessness; languor.

2.	a condition of indolent indifference: the pleasant lassitude of the warm summer afternoon.

-from dictionary.com

The legs are feeling a bit of the old lassitude today, and it is hard to set aside my pre-determined schedule to let my legs have an extra rest day.

I hate math, but I've fallen in love with numbers. I want to see the numbers on the sidebar go up and the numbers on the scale go down. I'm like a miser gloating over her hoard of choice numbers, going back to look at them again later and feel smug.

Silly woman, to value numbers over this body that's faithfully carried me around all these years.

Exercise du jour: Yoga. Maybe with a hot bath afterward.

Lassie photo courtesy:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jacobwhittaker/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Making my faults work for me

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Hey, it's about time my faults stopped freeloading and actually did some useful work:

• Stubborn -- I'm using my stubborn streak to force myself to exercise. I don't care how slowly I jog, I don't care how silly I look, I'm going to get this done.
• Get stuck in a rut -- I tend to get in a rut and stay there. I'm making the rut something that I should do, e.g. jog or cycle to work. (Note to self: need to get this to work with housecleaning too)
• Negative thoughts -- rather than thinking negative thoughts about my shape, I want to think negative thoughts about pizza, fried chicken, wine, and chocolate cake. Well all right, maybe just the first three. Think about chickens being mistreated, alcoholics with cirrhosis, pizza... damn. Can't think of anything negative about pizza, except for the way it automatically adds several pounds to the scale.

Anybody out there got reasons why pizza is an inherently bad thing? Are there pizza factories that employ child labor, or anything evil like that?

Exercise du jour: A gentle 2-mile jog.
Done! I love getting the run in before work. Makes me feel smugly virtuous.

Update du 6:26 pm: Oh, this is nuts. All the way home, the little voice kept piping up with comments like "hey, the track is open. Maybe you could run there."
And I'd have to remind it, "No, I did the jog this morning."
"Oh, right," it would mumble. Then, not five minutes later, "hey, it's not actually raining. Maybe you could run 'round the neighborhood."
"LOOK, we just HAD this discussion TWO MINUTES ago."
"Oh yeah. I forgot. Sorry."
So now that I'm home and have fed the dog and all that good stuff, it pipes up with "Well, shouldn't we be planning out a route for tomorrow's run? After all, you need to get it done early."
Argh. Argh, argh, argh.

A change of plan

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Okay, here's the thing. Friday I did a stupid thing: I combined the 3-mile jog (from Thursday) with the cycling. And my legs were sore. I rested them on Saturday, and delayed the Sunday run to give them time to feel good about moving, but they were still sore. Monday, my legs simply did not want to pedal.

I cycled anyway. I am nothing if not stubborn.

However, I can take a hint... eventually.

Exercise du jour: Today I will do nothing more strenuous than a gentle, one-mile walk to/from the Weight Watcher's meeting. Maybe a little yoga, if the legs think they can handle that. And we'll see how they feel tomorrow.
Done! Walked 2 miles. It felt very weird not to be doing more. My mind kept thinking 'am I slacking off?' And I probably would've gone ahead and pushed the legs to do the 2 mile jog, but I decided to get a headache instead. Probably the legs induced the headache. Legs can be sneaky.

Weight Loss: a kind of evolution

My body is a devout believer in evolution.

When it comes to weight loss, anyway. Specifically, my body loves the theory known as punctuated equilibrium. When change occurs it seems sudden and drastic.



I'll go for a few weeks gaining or losing mere ounces, not pounds, then within a few days I'll lose 4 or 5 pounds and get a strict warning message from the WW e-tools. ("You're losing too fast!" Ha.)

In the past week I have had fried chicken, wine, chocolate cake, pizza (!!), and more fried chicken. I've also lost 5-1/2 pounds. All those weeks of being good and eating tons o' celery, and I never lost nuthin'. Huh.

Darwin would be proud.

(Okay, yes,for the benefit of the snickertly persnickety out there, I do realize Darwin wasn't known for the punctuated equilibrium theory of evolution. Hey, he could still be proud of me anyway. Maybe.)

Site du jour: It's probably not as much fun to live through as it is to read, but Nunhead-Mum-of-One's stories about her family, in-laws, and neighbors are going to make a great book one day.

Exercise du jour: Cycling to work and back, even if only partway. Hell, I'm going to be ambitious and state publicly that I want to cycle the first 3 or 4 miles of the morning route. There. I've said it. Now let's see if I can get up early enough to do it.
Done! 4 miles in the morning, barely 1-1/2 in the evening. Legs tired. Muscles sore. Need a hot bath and a hot masseur... er, that is, massage ...


Image courtesy of wikimedia commons

I've reached a new low (on the scale)

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Amazing. Just when I think it's time to give up...

This past week I've lost 3-1/2 pounds. After years weeks of eating fairly well, but losing mere ounces, I spent most of the past frantic week eating quite badly. (I adopted the always popular fried-chicken-with-red-wine-pizza-and-chocolate-cake diet.) Even so, it seems like the scale is on the move again. Huh.

I haven't been this weight in three or four years. Could somebody pass the fried chicken?

Exercise du jour: Jog 2.5 miles
Done! Finally.


Notes on the run:

• Had to stop the warm up walk to help a policeman catch a couple of friendly but foolish dogs who were frolicking in busy traffic. The owner came up a few minutes later "oh, I just left them in the front yard for a moment..." Geez. (Should I mention none of the front yards around here are fenced?)
• While jogging, I noticed a cycle: 1st thought about walking - 7 minutes, 2nd thought about walking - 14 minutes, 3rd - 21 minutes. And yes, 28 minutes again. (Some people get the 7 year itch. Me, I get the 7-minute bitch.) I did run the whole distance, though. And after the 28th minute, I didn't think walking thoughts.
  
• This run was slower than the same distance last week. (Maybe... just a thought... fried chicken and red wine aren't good running fuel? I did have to stop and tie my shoe again, so maybe that was it.)
• Pain update: the tendons around the lower leg hurt a bit while I was running, but not at all once I'd stopped. This is a definite improvement. Must be getting a bit stronger.
  
• The cool down walk got interrupted by a cat that ran up to me and demanded that I pet her for several minutes. Seriously, this was one determined cat. I don't speak fluent cat, but from the tone of her cries I gathered she was seriously underfed, neglected, and unappreciated. (This despite the fact that she was quite overweight, had beautiful fur, and a flea collar.) Eventually, I had to break away and tell her to go home. Which she did. (At least, she went back up the drive to the front porch she'd been sitting on before she saw me.)
• Between the dogs and the cat, I smelled quite interesting to Tanji when I got home. Today is her 13th birthday, which in human terms would make her about 91. Which is really quite young for a German Shepherd. (Look, just agree with me here. I don't want to hear otherwise.)

If it's Friday, it's Hugh Jackman time

What else is Friday for, if not looking at pictures of Hugh?

Quotes du jour:
"Radio has no future. Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible. X-rays will prove to be a hoax."
- William Thomson, Lord Kelvin, British scientist, 1899

"Television won't last because people will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night."
- Darryl Zanuck of 20th Century Fox, 1946

"The Japanese auto industry isn't likely to carve out a big share of the market for itself."
- BusinessWeek, 1968

"They couldn't hit an elephant at that distance."
- General John Sedgwick, 1864 (His last words)

"It will be years -- not in my time -- before a woman will become prime minister."
- Margaret Thatcher, 1969

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
- Decca Records, when rejecting the Beatles in 1962

"Merry? Cycle three days in a week? Oh please."
- My inner slug

Exercise du jour: Cycling to work and back. Yeah, I know that sounds like something I've done before, but each time I cycle I go a bit farther and a bit faster. Hugh would be proud.
Done! Plus, walked 2.5 miles at lunch. Mother Nature is still confused about the difference between February and May, but I'm not about to complain.

Photo courtesy of:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/max-tim-tom/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

40? Um.... not this week

That number can be kinda scary...

An article came out the other week about how exercise helps stave off diabetes, cancer, risk of stroke. All stuff that's been said before, but this guy came with statistics:

Dr. Paul Williams of the University of California at Berkeley ... found that running 40 miles per week can lower risk of stroke by 69 percent, heart attacks by 37 percent and diabetes by 68 percent. To prevent progressive weight gain with aging, the runners needed to add 1.4 miles a week each year. (Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise, March 2009.)

Always more impressive if it comes with hard-and-fast numbers. This doctor followed more than 100,000 runners for 20 years.

I took comfort from the fact that the guy said he himself only runs about 12 minute miles pace and is 30 pounds overweight. I'm not sure I could actually run 40 miles a week -- I mean I don't think my joints would stand it even at my slow pace. But if you figure a pace of 5 mph and throw in a rest day, 40 miles a week breaks down to close to 1-1/2 hours a day of vigorous exercise. Would it work if I did this on a bicycle?

I mean, I know I said I needed to kick it up a notch and that the more I work out, the healthier I feel, but... 40 miles? That's an awfully intimidating number to try to meet.

Exercise du jour: Jog a measly 3 miles. (Except that it's not a measly amount if you've never done it before.)
Done! Slow but steady pace. (Indoors, alas, but still counts.)

Photo courtesy of:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/smet/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Cyclists take over the freeway

Quote du jour: Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Shultz

Yesterday, Mother Nature got confused and dropped a spring day into the middle of winter.

I mean, it could have been April. It was warm, the sun was shining in a cloudless blue sky (in Oregon? in February?), flowers were starting to bloom, trees were starting to blossom. I took a walk at lunch and spent most of the time soaking it up. Actually felt hot, even sweated a bit. Incredible.

At the end of the day, I mentioned to a co-worker "Wasn't today beautiful?"
"Was it?" he said. "I didn't notice."
This is a man -- a sharp, perceptive man-- who works in a cubicle where one of the walls is all glass, a huge window that overlooks a park. His desk faces this window. He spent the whole day at his desk, facing this incredible day, and never once noticed how beautiful it was outside.

After work, I stopped at the local mom-and-pop down the street from my house. The young guy behind the counter asked, "Did you have a good day?"
"Oh yes!" I enthused. "It was such a beautiful day outside!"
"Was it?" he said. "I didn't notice."

Sigh.

*********
Okay, this I don't get. All week my weight has been edging up the scale. Work was so crazy that I couldn't get to the WW meeting, but I weighed myself last night. It was depressing. I weighed myself again this morning. Between last night and this morning I've lost 3-1/2 pounds. WTF? Where did it go?

Exercise du jour: Cycle to work and back. Smiling, even. If need be, I'll take the Max partway. So long as I get to pedal, it counts as a win.
Done! Well, maybe not the smiling part. Any cycling is better than none. Not by very much, that's all. Very long day, and I have an early meeting tomorrow. Probably the best thing would be to sleep in my clothes.
Plus, 2 miles walking.

This is a photo I took during the 2007 Portland Bridge Pedal. If you've never tried it, let me recommend cycling down a freeway. It's a smooth ride. Make sure to remove all automobiles from the area first.

We Runners

Last week, I was standing at the street corner waiting for the light to change. A woman came running up to wait next to me.
I nodded to her. "How far are you going?"
"Oh, eight miles today," she answered. She was lean and fit but her tone was friendly, so I felt bold enough to share something with her.
"I ran over two miles today. That was the first time I've ever done that."
She didn't laugh. Instead, she looked delighted. "That's great! You're going to be addicted in no time. You'll love it!" The light turned green, and she nodded to me and ran on ahead.

And I felt like one of the gang.

Exercise du jour: Two miles jogging, hopefully around the Nike trail. The tendons don't complain when I jog there.
Done! Not at Nike, alas. But even 2 miles at home... the time went by really fast. I mean, usually I'm checking my watch every 5 minutes. This time, I went about 20 minutes without looking once. Weird. Plus, 5 miles walking (morning, noon, and night).

Mondays are my friend

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The good thing about working on the weekend is that Monday doesn't seem different from any other day of the week.

Site du jour: Change Your Life: Ride a Bike. She makes a good point about how when you ride a bicycle, you experience things you would never otherwise. (Mostly good things, I should add.)

Exercise du jour: Cycle to work and back. If I have to Max it partway, so be it. But pedaling will be part of this day. I have spoken.
Done. A measly four miles, but I'll take what I can get. I thought working over the weekend would give me a chance to catch up a bit, but I'm already feeling overwhelmed at work.

New goal: not drowning, but waving

Quote du jour: Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about dancing in the rain.
- stolen from Fat Frumpy and Fifty, who leveraged it from Joanne, whoever that is. If anyone knows the original source, I'd love to add that credit here too.


Okay, I have a new goal for this week. I'm going to keep my head above water and not get swamped with work, more work, cramps, or work. Last night I got some sleep, which helps too.

I'm going to repeat the running from last week, and I will ride the bicycle to work three days this week. I find it does help to tell myself that it's okay to ride the Max partway. I still get more cycling in than if I'd given up and taken the evilSUV to work.

Site du jour: Reluctant Memsahib captured a few peaceful moments of a sunset walk. Beautiful photos. I had no idea Africa could be so green.

Exercise du jour: Jog 2.5 miles
Done! It was interesting: I went out extra, EXTRA slow at first. Even so, I hated the first 10 minutes. The next 10 minutes I spent planning where I was going to stop to walk for a minute. By the 20th minute I'd turned the corner (literally and physiologically) and found myself thinking of other things instead of stopping. Tried to sprint the last two blocks and only managed to sprint one before going back to a jogging pace. That's okay, next time that's a mini-goal.

Photo courtesy of:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/gibsonselectric/ / CC BY-ND 2.0

Wimp out day

I can't do it.

The bicycle stays in the garage today.
The running shoes are in the closet.
I'm driving the evilSUV to work.

No star.

Photo courtesy of :

http://www.flickr.com/photos/your_wht_knight/ / CC BY-NC 2.0

Short & Cranky, thankyouverymuch

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Word du jour: Neoteny.

A term found in biology textbooks referring to juvenile characteristics that are retained in adulthood. In most of those textbooks, you'll see my picture next to that definition.

For the record, I can't help the way I friggin' look. It's not my fault. Yes, I do have the following infantile characteristics:
- full round face
- clear skin
- round blue eyes
- snub nose

But damn it, none of those are a good reason for calling me 'hon.' Everybody does it: the woman at the Max station asking when the next train was leaving, the waitress at the restaurant who wanted to write down my order, everyone. The other morning, I stopped at the coffee shop on my way to the Max. The young guy, barely 20 I'd swear, gave me the coffee with a "here you are, young lady." It was all I could do to stop myself from saying "I'm old enough to be your mother, you twerp!"

If I lived in the South, I'd put it down as a cultural thing. But Oregon is pretty far removed from that part of the country, damn it. And maybe it's not supposed to be unkind, but it comes across as condescending.

I realize once I lose a bit more weight, the youthful plumpness will fade (O please God) from my face. Frankly, I'm ready for it. I'm getting older. I accept that. I mean, it's been over a year since someone carded me. Considering that when that happened I was a week past my 45th birthday, I'd say it was about damn time.

The youthful looks thing is partly hereditary. Until a couple years ago, my mother was routinely taken to be about 20 years younger than she is. Sadly, osteoporosis has now rendered her frail, and she looks like a little old lady. She used to be a couple inches taller than I am, but she's shrinking almost daily. It's really annoying her, and a great motivation to make me do yoga more often.

Study du jour: Physical Activity Ups Women's Odds of Healthy Aging

Elderly women who follow a program of exercise are less likely to have falls and can improve bone mineral density compared to their non-exercising counterparts, according to a study in the Jan. 25 issue of the Archives of Internal Medicine, while another study found that higher levels of physical activity in middle age are associated with better health later in life.

Exercise du jour: Jog 3 miles.

Crap. I can't decide if this is a win or a fail.
Basically, today was an eerie repeat of yesterday in almost every detail, except that instead of not cycling, I didn't jog. Otherwise, virtually identical right down to the long confused attempt to untangle a computer problem involving a software engineer (in Sydney), a project manager (in Quebec), and a French marketing dude -- who was actually just down the hall but was busy with Frantically Important Marketing Meetings and couldn't be interrupted. He mentioned this as he was rushing past for an equally important meeting with the men's room.

I did manage to get five miles of walking in, and indeed as part of that I did jog for half a mile as I tried to catch my train home. (I missed. Perhaps the Max train also had an important meeting.)

Should I put the star up or not?

A side benefit of being out of shape

The nice part about being unfit is that you can get a good workout in a lot less time. Half an hour's brisk cycling now has the same effect that a couple hours on the bike used to have.

So, that's a plus, right? The only drawback is that it's taking me waaay too long to get to work in the morning.

Today, I'm going to put myself and my bike on the Max and head for work. Get off about halfway, and peddle in from there. Then cycle home at the end of the day.

This way, I can a)sleep in a bit b)get to work feeling wide awake (boy, will the boss be surprised) and c) not feel overwhelmed by the thought of cycling in the whole way.

Site du jour: I really liked Smaller Fun Pants' post on how to deal with that little nagging voice inside you.

Exercise du jour: Cycling. I'm aiming for 13 more than two miles. There, I've put it down on the screen.
Well, sorta done. Kinda.13 is a terribly unlucky number. What was I thinking?
Anyway, woke up terribly late. If I hadn't posted it up on the blog, I'd have said @!#% and driven the car. As it was, my bike and I rode the Max all the way in, and I promised to make up for it on the way home. Then I ended up working a couple hours later than anyone else (all alone in the night... she was the last of the babbling tech writers...). So I compromised by taking the Max partway home and cycling the rest. Plus a three-mile walk at lunch.

Word of the day: thwarted

Quote du jour: Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
- William James

Thwarted sums up the day I had yesterday. People think a tech writer spends her day writing. Ha. Most of the time you are a detective, trying to put together all the pieces of a jigsaw by asking questions of people who only know how their own piece works.


Site du jour: My Marrakesh tells a tale in photos about shopping in Kabul. If you want to talk about people being thwarted, there's a good place for the discussion. And yet, what beautiful things they can create!

Exercise du jour: Jog 2 miles. Hopefully, around the Nike campus, which has a nice soft trail and people don't scoff if they see a fat chick running trudging.

Update du 7:58 am: Ha. Got up early this morning, jumped out of bed and laced up the running shoes. I was going to do a quick (well, for me) two miles around the neighborhood. Then I sat down to read all your blogs. Now it's too late to jog before work. And since I'm running late because I was catching up on your doings, it's clearly all your fault that I'm not getting the jog done first thing. I hope you feel guilty. A little.

Update du 8:10 am: Remember those guys with the bulldozers? They're back. Yes, I know this has been going on for months now. I think they've been having problems with the work they did and they're having to re-do it all.

The road is completely blocked in both directions.
If you're keeping track, this is now the fourth time since October that they've dug up the street in front of the house. Wait -- I think it's actually the fifth.


God really wants me to walk to the Max today.

Done! In broad daylight, I ran jogged. 2 miles. And God threw in some uphill sections of the trail, which for some reason were a lot steeper than they'd been when I walked them. Plus, walked 4 miles, thanks to God and the Water Department.

Another damn good reason to exercise

Study du jour: A study published in the Journals of Gerontology describes how your brain starts to go once you hit 30. Researchers wanted to find out what happens when older people exercise. (More detail at the bottom of the post.)

The conclusion:"Significant increases in brain volume, in both gray and white matter regions, were found as a function of fitness training for the older adults who participated in the aerobic fitness training but not for the older adults who participated in the stretching and toning (nonaerobic) control group."

Exercise du jour: Well hell, I'm walking! I'll try to fit in yoga in the evening, but today I'm inspired to be aerobic.

Done! Not as long a walk as I would've liked, but even 30 minutes counts. Plus, on a day like today it was really good to get out of the office and walk in the soggy forest. A place where no one wanted me to document anything at all, merely to be there.



More about this study: BEGINNING in the third decade of life the human brain shows structural decline, which is disproportionately large in the frontal, parietal, and temporal lobes of the brain .... Cardiovascular exercise has been associated with improved cognitive functioning in aging humans (3,4). These effects have been shown to be the greatest in higher order cognitive processes, such as working memory, switching between tasks, and inhibiting irrelevant information, all of which are thought to be subserved, in part, by the frontal lobes of the brain. For more information about this study, click here.

Need to crank it up a notch

I'm tired of taking it slow, being careful and not injuring myself.

That, boys and girls, is an example of what they mean when they use the phrase 'Famous Last Words.' It's just asking for an injury.

Okay, I'm not tired of non-injury. But I do want to see if I can take things a little farther.

This week, I've switched over to jogging for mileage. I want to work on increasing the distance I can go, even if it's at a slow pace. Then when I've gotten the leg tendons used to that, I'll start adding in the occasional sprint.

Probably should've put up a picture of a tortoise instead of a puppy.

Exercise du jour: Jogged 2.5 miles
Done! My poor achin' stomach didn't really appreciate the exercise, but the legs didn't seem to mind too much. I do love the virtuous feeling you get when you do your exercise in the a.m. instead of last thing at night!

It's working! Thank you all!

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I get it now. This blogging stuff really does work.

Working out is starting to become a habit. (Well, jogging and walking are getting to feel like habits. Cycling... I need to work on that.) Blogging my exercise six days a week has been a great way to motivate myself into actually doing the workout. I mean, I know you haven't been sitting here reading my blog every day, but for all I know you might be looking. Which is enough motivation to make me feel too guilty to not try working out. Thank you.

So... um... are you charging for this?

Next week: work on cycling more.

Site du jour: Hilary from The Smitten Image kindly pointed me to the Haitian Earthquake Support Center, which lets people help even if they don't have money to donate.

Exercise du jour: Walk to/from the Max, and of course the all-important hour-long walk at lunch.
Done! Well, more or less. I'd say more. I only walked 2-1/2 miles, but those tendons were being cranky and my stomach decided to get upset as well, and considering the way the day's gone I'd say 2-1/2 miles is a victory. I take my victories where I find them, thankyouverymuch.

Made it through the Couch to 5k

Wow. I made it. Had to slow down a bit in the last two weeks, but still made it at a pace that's -- for me -- faster than walking.

I've decided not to worry about my pace right now. The goal is to run at a speed that gets my breathing rate up (but not to gasping level), and at a speed that doesn't injure the legs.

Next week, I'll start measuring the running by mileage rather than time.

Site du jour: Kitty tells it all. If I'm ever faced with the possibility of being a single woman at a Turkish wedding in London, I will now be prepared.

Exercise du jour: Week 9, Day 3, C25k. 30 minutes running.
Done! Indoors, and thus slow, but I do think the tendons prefer it that way. Plus, 5 miles walking.

You can never tell ahead of time

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You can never tell if a run is going to turn out okay after all.

Well, maybe if you've just broken both legs you can tell. Otherwise, no.

Even if you (I mean me, but it's easier to tell this to someone else) really don't feel like doing the workout, you can end up having a good time.

So far, I'm making it through the last week of the C25k, running 30 minutes at a time. The shins seem to be accepting this level of exercise without too many complaints.

I'm doing pretty pathetic on the cycling, partly because it involves a lot more organization beforehand, i.e. I have to lay out cycling clothes, pack clothes for work, and -- this is the clincher -- haul myself out of bed early enough so I can ride in. Have to confess, sometimes I take the Max in and then cycle back. Better than nothing.

Surprisingly, my horrible week of eating only earned me half a pound more on the scale (+.6). I'm really surprised that it wasn't worse than that. Then this morning, I lost 2-1/2 pounds. It's been a couple years since I was last down at this weight.

Plus, at the meeting last night, I met a couple of girls who are just starting the C25k so they could run the Shamrock 5k. I told them if they signed up for the Shamrock 5k, I would too. (Um... I suppose that means I have to do it. I was thinking of maybe not going for it -- there's going to be a lot of people -- but I suppose that means there might be 2 or even 3 people slower than I am!)

Site du jour: This week Middle-aged dating is posting re-runs of her most memorable dates from the last year or so.

Exercise du jour: Walking to work from the Max station plus the all-important hour's walk at lunch. I'm getting rained on a lot this week. God bless Oregon.
Done! Walked 5 miles, split between morning, noon, and night.

Honestly, it's enough to make anyone join the Fat Acceptance movement

Quote du jour: The fat person doesn't have many pleasures. He can't bowl; he can't dance; he can't do anything because he can barely support his own body even just walking -- so he eats. - Jean Nidetch

In case you were wondering, Jean Nidetch was the founder of Weight Watchers.

In fairness to her, that was written over 40 years ago and people (and their attitudes) have changed. My mother cleaned out her pantry and gave me her copy of the original Weight Watchers cookbook. From 1966. The other quote on the back cover talks about how J. Nidetch used to be a compulsive eater and is now a compulsive size 12. I know sizes have changed, but even if that translates nowadays as being a compulsive size 10, I can't imagine anyone bragging about it. Maybe a compulsive size 4.

Not all changes are for the good.

Site du jour: 7 Common survival tactics that will get you killed. Close your eyes and think of California ;)

Exercise du jour: Week 9, day 2 of the c25k. 30 minutes running. Also, I want to -- no, that's not strong enough. I will walk at lunch for an hour. (Really, I will. I got the manual in by the deadline, so I can take a whole hour off at lunch.)
Done! Walked three miles, then jogged for 30 minutes after work. Okay, I did cheat. After 8 minutes, I walked for a whole minute to rest my cramping calf muscles. Then I only added on another 30 seconds at the end of the run. For some reason, this time was a lot harder.

Adventures in shopping

Honestly, it was very simple.

All I wanted was a pair of cycling pants that I could wear to work. That was all.

We're not talking formal wear here: my company is fairly casual as long as you're not scruffy. Something stretchy that I could pair with a long sweater would be fine. Something that doesn't look too much like sweatpants or tights. (Not the kind of cycling pants that make you look like you're wearing a huge diaper on your behind.) Stretchy pants, not too tight, that taper down a bit toward the ankles so you don't have to worry about catching your pants in the bike.

You'd think that would be possible. Well, I'd think that should be possible. But it's the old fat-person catch-22. You can't buy active wear in your size; you're too large. You have to become smaller before you can exercise, okay?

It's a lot less embarrassing to look for clothes since the internet was invented. (Yes, I do remember a time before the internet. I'm old. No need to rub it in.) But not all online clothing stores seem to have grasped the concept of a sizing chart. Their attitude seems to be "It's just a 'large', okay? Whaddya mean what does 'large' mean? Everybody knows what it means. Don't ask me to define large."

Even stores that include a sizing chart are sometimes confused. At bikenhike, the sizing chart for their pants gives the waist and chest sizes that these pants would fit, not the hips. I can only conclude that they intend you to wear their pants in a manner vastly different than the way I wear pants.

Thank goodness for Team Estrogen!

Exercise du jour: Cycle to work and back. And an hour's walking at lunch. I've been slacking off on the lunch-time walking, but that's stupid. One of the managers at work has a slogan "work harder, not smarter." I've been unconsciously adopting this motto. No more. I will back away from the desk and walk at lunch. I swear it.
Well, that'll teach me not to do so much swearing, damn it. Hopeless, helpless, and hapless day. Used to be a time when I could work a 13-hour day and leave feeling fresh and optimistic. (Okay, maybe not, but at least I wouldn't feel like a complete @#!$, !$#!, and %$@^.) If I could have least have turned in a decent manual, I'd have felt a bit better. Summary: no exercise, lots of work i.e. I sat at a desk all day. And ate 4, I'm not exaggerating, 4 cups of celery.

The Blame Game

Quote du jour: Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
- Have Fun with English blog


I might not be able to make all possible mistakes, but this week I've made a serious try.

The bad part: I got discouraged. I gave myself up to feasting. Mini-feasting, anyway. A little bad food here, a little more bad food there, and of course a glass of wine to wash it down with. Work is crazy too right now. That will get better in a couple weeks, but it's been a fight to find time to exercise.

Where I screwed up: The day of the WW weigh-in, I'd eaten about 800 calories (because I really wanted to make the goal of 10 pounds -- I had planned to eat more after weighing) and exercised for 90 minutes, and I was -- well, you can tell from the tone of my writing that night. I felt tired and discouraged. What was the point?

Lesson learned: I left that post up because I want to remember not to push myself that far again. That's a drawback to WW -- it's easy to start playing stupid scale games just to keep up with the next person. If I push too far, I end up worse off than I had been before.

In summary: I've gained this week. Going to the Weight Watchers meeting this week is going to be really depressing.


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On the plus side, I no longer feel completely starving, light-headed, and cranky. The bad attitude was the worst part. When I get that hungry, I want to kick little furry kittens and insult Mother Theresa.

Today I will start to climb out of this hole that I've dug with my fork.

Exercise du jour: Starting the last week of the C25K. Week 9, Day 1. 30 minutes running.
Done! Indoors, slowly, but done. The cranky tendon didn't start to complain until 27 minutes into the run, so I told it to shut up for three more minutes. Which apparently it was okay with. (I know. I should've run outside. I'm a wuss. I'm tired of getting rained on.)

Damn

Site du jour: http://mollyinhaiti.blogspot.com/

I'm no good with a large-scale tragedy. I can't comprehend it until I find a human to attach to it. This blog was written by a young woman who -- until the earthquake -- had been a volunteer at an orphanage in Haiti. She cared for abandoned babies at the hospital. The blog features several of these children's photos: smiling, sad, hopeful or afraid. It talks about their struggles and victories: learning to walk, learning to smile, connecting with one of the volunteers or another child.

I learned this woman's fate because she had a local connection, so it was on the local news. I wish I knew what happened to the children, though at the same time I'm afraid to ask.

Who cares if I lose weight?

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For all my bitching when I fail to drop a pound, it's still just numbers on the scale. I'm posting this here so I don't lose track of my fundamental goal.

What I want is to be fit: to be able to run and not get out of breath, to be flexible enough to do all the yoga poses that the instructor can, to get down on the floor and do a bunch of push ups just because.

I think it will be easier to do all these things if there's less of me trying to do them, and I think that I will get thinner as I practice living in a healthy way, but being thin is not really the point. Being able is the point.

Exercise du jour: Cycling to work & back. If I can fit it in, an hour of yoga as well.
Did an hour's worth of walking instead. In the rain, which as I've previously stated carries a lot of weight with me. Or at least it carried a lot of weight with my sweater. I know I said cycling today, but I woke up too late. Besides, when it comes to exercise it's good to be flexible. Off to do some yoga, to be even more flexible.

Ahead of the curve, for once

I got the messy hair already! Score!

A lot of new people have been coming to the Weight Watchers meetings these past two weeks. Be interesting to see if they're still coming after a couple months.

I'm glad I started going to Weight Watchers when I did. Starting at the New Year makes starting a change seem that much more Significant. I kind of slipped in, surreptitious-like, and eased into the program without any great expectations of grand and dramatic weight loss. Which is just as well, because I've been taking the incrementally slow & steady route instead.

Although, if they all start losing 20 pounds in a week, I might have to spike their diet sodas with sugar.


Exercise du jour: Week 8 Day 3 of the C25k. 28 minutes jogging.
Done! Went slowly again, to avoid leg pain. You know what? I was impatient with going so slowly. I actually wanted to go at a faster pace. Yes, me. You read that right. Very strange.

Status check: month 2 of Weight Watchers

Are you really curious about this? Okay then, here are the stats after two months on Weight Watchers.

Weight lost
This week: -.8
So far: -9.6 (9 point friggin 6. All it would've taken would be 4 ounces more for me to be just a leeeetle bit happy.)
Average weight loss per week: 1.2 pounds

I am not pleased. Another woman, who joined the week before me, has lost 20 pounds by this weigh-in. (Yes, okay, she does weigh more and work out less. I don't care. I am Not At Home to Ms. Reasonable right now. Everybody is losing weight but me. I'm pissed.)

Total inches lost
Arms: -1/2 inch
Bust: -1 inch
Waist: -4 inches
Hips: -3 inches

What, you think I should cheer up because I'm fitting into smaller pant sizes? Was that Ms. Reasonable I just heard knocking on my door? Sorry, not answering the door. I sat through that WW meeting absolutely starving. I couldn't stand that everyone was talking about food, food, food!

Look, I know it's silly, I know I'm paying too much attention to numbers. I'm still bummed.

Exercise du jour: Cycling to work and back. For that matter, walking at lunch. I'm not working out hard enough, damn it.

Update du later on: Sorry. I wrote most of that last night right after I got home from the meeting. I was tired and ab-so-lute-ly starving, and that tends to make me wear the cranky pants.

I kept it up there because it was honest. Yes, I do want to lose weight as much as the next person, even if the next person is also losing water and muscle as well as fat. I want the weight to come off quickly and stay off forever. I also want a pony, with a pink glittery bridle.

I'll settle for a healthy body that's progressively moving downward on the scale, albeit at the speed of a slug on prozac.

Vacuuming the dog, and other brilliant ideas

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It's true. I spend so much time cleaning up all the fur that she sheds (and she sheds mass quantities every day) that I finally cut out the middle part and started vacuuming the dog directly. She wasn't thrilled with the idea (I got the "sad" look) but she didn't try to run away.

No, don't call PETA. Her ladyship is a dog with chronic allergies, who spends most of her waking hours scratching her fur off. Since it's winter right now, she spends the rest of the time shivering and growing the fur back. It's a never ending cycle.

What does any of that have to do with exercise and fitness and cute quotes? Absolutely zilch. I was just using this space to vent.

Site du jour: Bug me not. Sometimes you really want to check out an interesting site, but you don't want to hassle with registering and logging in. Bug me not has shared logins for popular free sites that require login.

Another Weight Watchers meeting tonight -- my 8th week. I will show signs of progress. Or else, damn it.

Exercise du jour: Week 8 Day 2 of the C25k: 28 minutes jogging.
It's funny -- the first two minutes, I ALWAYS think that I'm going to have to give up, I'll never make it. Then, if I keep going past five minutes, the body seems to get the hang of the idea, and I can go on. I took it slow, to avoid tendon problems. So long as I go at an "I'm not proud" speed, no probs. And next week, maybe, I'll up the pace. Plus walking.

Don't Judge. Just write it down.

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A woman in the Weight Watchers meeting said something that amazed me. Sometimes she'll go to the nearest Taco Bell drive-through and get a huge burrito -- and then not include it in her food tracking. "Why write it down?" she said with a laugh. "It will just be taking all the points that I have for the day."

What boggles the mind is that this woman has been coming to these meetings for months, much longer than I have. She never misses a week. Why? Is this just a social exercise for her? Because I don't see how she can be serious about losing weight or getting fit.

Maybe this is just a game to her, something half-hearted. "I know I should lose weight, so I'll go through the motions -- more or less -- but I don't really want to change."

I've been writing down everything I eat -- even when I go over the allotted number of points -- and when I eat. And why. I thought that was the point of Weight Watchers, tracking the food and exercise. I'm sure that everyone will miss tracking food once in awhile, but I don't understand the reasoning behind not tracking because it's discouraging. That's a challenge you need to face before you can get in shape.

What I've been working on is writing it down without judging. (It's hard not to say negative things about eating food I don't need.) I'm not doing this because I want to beat myself up; the idea is to collect information that I can analyze for patterns. See what I'm doing right, what I'm doing wrong, what I can do about the wrong.

Note: I don't use the flex points a lot, but I have been known to go over my specified number of points sometimes. (Especially during the Christmas and New Year's festivities.) It happens. I write it down.

Seems simple enough, but I'm not sure I should tell other people what I'm doing. (You don't count as other people, by the way. Amazingly non-judgmental group here.) I told another woman at Weight Watchers (not the Taco Bell lady) that sometimes I go over the specified number of points, and she raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Oh, I never use my flex points." Have to say that her tone felt a bit critical. And she's a Lifetime member who's lost 45 pounds, and only returned because she has gained back a few pounds, so I suppose she has the right to think she knows what she's doing. It works for her.

I had to remind myself that just because it works for her, I don't have to feel bad. I suspect my path lies somewhere between Ms. Lifetime and Ms. Taco Bell.


Exercise du jour: Cycling to work and back. Still getting some complaints from the tendons around the lower leg/ankle area, and it's time to get back into cycling anyway. In another month... okay, two... it'll be light enough that I'll be able to do some distance cycling before or after work. Need to get prepared. Plus, I got a new light so I can see and Be Seen while commuting.
Done. Sorta. I mean, I did cycle to and from work, but I cheated and took the Max part way. Yeah, I know. Need to get up earlier next time and be more organized.

Also, an hour's worth of yoga.

Self-talk, epistolary fashion

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Sometimes I develop an inordinate hunger. I'll eat every scrap of healthy, high-fiber food in my Mr. Bento, drink liters of herb tea or water, and still be ravenous. (Some days aren't like this, but when it's a Hunger day, well, let's just say it's a good thing I don't have a pet goldfish, okay?)

The other day was one of those days. I was so hungry that I was getting light headed. According to numbers on Weight Watchers e-tools, I was eating an adequate amount of food, but the body didn't agree. It was making a lot of changes and demanding extra supplies. I figured the best thing to do was have a word with the body, try to make it see what I wanted it to do. (Hey Body: rather than taking in food to build muscle, take it from the fat stores.)

So I wrote myself a letter. I described what I wanted the scale to read by the end of the month, and I told myself that I would get to that point if I would accept the hunger and do tonight's scheduled workout. I went further, describing what I was going to look like in three months, what I was going to look like when swimsuits-and-shorts season came around, how good it would feel to be fit enough to walk around without being embarrassed by my shape.

Didn't make me less hungry, but it did make me feel a whole lot more disciplined about the process. I was being hungry because I chose to be. Some people don't have any choice in the matter.

Exercise du jour: Week 8, Day 1 of the C25k. 28 minutes jogging.
Done! Some tendon-y tendency toward complaining, but it got done.

Australian Chutzpah

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Site du jour: It's hard to believe a country like Australia could produce both Hugh Jackman and a realtor who has the chutzpah* to sell a hole in the ground (yes, literally) as a home. Who doesn't want a home with "explosive storage magazines" in it?

Exercise du jour: Walking, jogging, yoga.
Exercise fail. When does pain mean refrain? I postponed last night's jogging, and my legs are still cranky this morning. Did the yoga.

*And a similar hole in the ground has already sold, which is one more instance of the truism that there's someone out there for everyone.