Back to pointless exercise (End of the HBBC challenge)

Quote du jour: “Opposition is a natural part of life. Just as we develop our physical muscles through overcoming opposition - such as lifting weights - we develop our character muscles by overcoming challenges and adversity.” - Stephen Covey

Since the start of the HBBC challenge coincided roughly with my bothering to track my weight again, I can say definitively that while doing this challenge I have lost 6-1/2 pounds. Except for the two weeks around Christmas, where I gained a little over 3 pounds, I've lost roughly a pound a week since November 20.

If it weren't for the HBBC challenge, I probably would've skipped a few of the elliptical sessions. Focusing on the challenge instead of focusing on the candy canes was helpful.

It was good, but I'm glad it's done. I'm feeling challenged out now. Time for a rest from that kind of thing... maybe for the next eleven months. Sounds about right.

Exercise du jour: Learned something yesterday. Two 45-minute elliptical sessions can leave your muscles a little sore. Today I'm doing nothing more strenuous than some good stretches. Maybe a little light yoga. No points to earn any more.
Done! Worked a brisk jog/walk into the day. Just one mile, but enough to get the blood flowing.


Engraving: Madame Roxey Caplin demonstrates the chest expander

Attacking my inner slug on its home turf

[Note: inner slug is not nearly that cute. Plus, it can spell.]

One thing the week of Ornish quotes taught me was that I need to find a way to change my reaction to stress and frustration.

Once damn foot stops hurting, I want to go back to bike riding. (Yes, just as the winter is coming on: rain, darkness, all that good stuff.) The best part about commuting to work on a bicycle is that you can get all your rage, angst, aggression worked out of your body before you even get home. Then there's no urge to eat bad food, drink bad liquids, or grind your teeth.

The challenge here is that to commute by bicycle I am going to have to get up early and come into work early. So long as I can get on the road by 4:30, commuting by bike should be fine. What I really want to avoid is the 5 o'clock drivers, cause they're a cranky and inattentive bunch. (Even in the Portland suburbs, where bike riders are really not uncommon at all.)

To leave work by 4:30, I will need to get in to work early.

Goal for the week: To Get Up Early Every Morning and Get Out Of The House by... oh, let's say 7:30. To me, that's hella early, so it's a good challenge.

That's one thing I can start on now, even while damn foot is still cranky. It's a three-pronged approach:
- I have to wanna be disciplined about going to bed at a reasonable hour. Surfing the internet is a luxury, not a necessity. Shut down the computer by 8 p.m. every night.
- I have to wanna do the evening yoga session every night. It really helps me unwind.
- I have to wanna un-friend Mr. Snooze button. It's over between us, S.

Done. Well, except for shutting the computer down by 8. Need to work on that.

Exercise du jour: 30 minutes on the elliptical.
Done!

Summary: week of Ornish and yoga

Very stressful week, working very long hours and not enough time for sleep.

At first I thought that it was just evil chance that I'd get hit with this load of work when I was trying a little extra exercise. Now I'm wondering if maybe that was the point God was trying to make. The yoga sessions were the only change that I made this week; I gave in and ate quick (bad, high fat/sugar) food for energy or to shut the stomach up while I typed. Didn't lose any pounds this week.

Despite all the stress, the yoga helped. Not on the scale, though. (Though since I didn't gain despite all the bad eating, maybe it did help. Hard to tell.)

I do think it helped me fall asleep once I went to bed; usually, after a stressful day, I tend to lie awake stressing some more, but this week I dropped off right away.

So... I didn't see any dramatic improvement, but I didn't slide back during this week. And despite all the long work hours and short sleep hours, I feel pretty good about life. Though I need to schedule sleep in there somewhere.

And the week of Ornish quotes -- I need to change my behavior when chaos reigns around me. I tend to get resentful, which is natural but unhelpful. My work comes at the process, after a long line of other people's jobs, and if other people take longer than expected, the pressure is on me to complete the job on schedule even if that means working late hours and going short on sleep. Geez. I can't even describe it without resentment coming into the paragraph. That needs to change.

Ornish: day 6

Quote du jour:

We tend not to question our beliefs, our perceptions, and our patterns of behavior, even when they are causing problems for us. The same homeostasis that protects us from change also makes it more difficult for us to transform even when it's in our best interest to do so.... Part of the value of pain is to help motivate you to change.
- Dean Ornish

Goal of the day: Pay attention. If I find myself wanting to eat something unhealthy, ask myself why I want to do this right now.
Done! Of course, in this case the answer was "because I want to stay awake and alert so I can finish the project even if I am working on it at 11 pm due to someone else's lack of planning not that that bothers me much I'm just going to vent about it here and maybe grind my teeth a bit."


Goal of the week: Final day of the week-long yoga challenge.



Exercise du jour: 30 minutes rowing

Ornish: day 5

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Quote du jour:

What makes the quick fix so seductive and addictive is that the relief seems so real. When we believe that relief in the short run comes from that which helps to destroy us in the long run, then we have a problem.
- Dean Ornish

Goal for the day: Today, I vow not to go for any quick fixes that make me feel worse in the long run.
Um... can I go for best two out of three? The problem is, when I get hit with a boatload of work and unrealistic deadlines, something's got to give. I didn't have time to prepare healthy food and bring it in to work. This is another goal that I'll have to try tackling again. I wish I could say otherwise.

Goal for the week: Yes, again with the yoga. I know it's going to take longer than a week to make this a habit; right now I'm just getting through on will power. And for now, that's okay.
Done!



Exercise du jour: 30 minutes with my elliptical. I'm starting to find the elliptical machine a good short-term fix. Feel good after I stop, don't feel any bad effects later on.

Done!

Ornish: day 4

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Quote du jour:

Anything that helps you to transcend your isolation will help you to lose excess weight and keep it off. More than that, though, transforming and transcending isolation is the essence of real healing.
- Dean Ornish

Even if surrounded by people, if you feel disconnected than you are isolated.

Goal of the day: Today, I'm going to contact a friend I haven't spoken to in a while. Bridge the gap.
Done! We're having lunch on Friday.




Goal of the week: Yes, I'm going to keep up the yoga. I'd like to try getting to sleep earlier, but it's the only time I can guarantee yoga time. And I suspect that yoga is helping me drop off rather than lying in bed for an hour or so.
Done! Though I didn't get to done before 1:15 am.

Exercise du jour: 30 minutes rowing. I do find myself liking rowing. I suspect it's because it's an exercise you can perform sitting down.
Done! Okay, not quite. When I saw that I couldn't start until after Midnight, I compromised and only did 20 minute on the rowing machine. Still think it's worth the dang star, especially because I stayed up late to get it done.

Ornish: day 3

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Quote du jour:

We become addicted to what makes us unconscious, so we don't feel the pain we create. The temporary pleasure is used to hide the chronic pain. Worse than that, when we blunt the capacity to feel pain, we also diminish the capacity to feel pleasure, joy, and love, both for ourselves and others. When we can deal with the pain more directly, then we can increase our awareness and joy rather than diminish it.
- Dean Ornish

Goal of the day: Okay, if something bugs me today, I'm going to leap on the elliptical. Well, I will if I'm near the elliptical. If someone at work bugs me, I'll try some push ups, squats, and stretching. If none of those are possible, I'll write it out. I will not try to drown the anger, angst, or annoyance in food.
(Watch today turn out to be a perfect day, with no irritations at all. What the hell. It could happen.)
Well.... can't really call this one a fail or a win. It'll have to go to the judges. The thing is, I was so sleep-deprived, after three days of putting the To Do list ahead of sleep, that I was too zombie-like to get irked about anything. The good part about this is that people stopped asking me to do One More Thing because they could see how tired I was. The bad thing is that I didn't get a single chance to practice positive ways of dealing with angst. I'm pretty damn sure I'll get another shot at this goal another day.

Goal of the week: Day 3 of the yoga-all-week.
Done! And almost 40 minutes until Midnight. This is an accomplishment.



Exercise du jour: 30 minutes on the elliptical -- even if I'm not irritated.
Done! And before 10 pm, even. Much better.

Ornish: day 2

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Quote du jour:

When we understand the benefits of our choices, then they become easier to make. What appears like self-restraint can become self-empowerment. Ultimately, it's a choice between true freedom or being a slave to our compulsions.
- Dean Ornish

Today I am focusing on the idea that it's freeing to eat green leafy vegetables rather than grab something pre-made at the Deli. I chose the freedom of eating healthy food.

Goal of the day: Today, I make a vow. No sugar, no alcohol, no meat. I almost said "no caffeine" but I think three "no"s are enough for the day.*
Fail. Note to self: do not make stupid vows when you're up the night before until 1:30 a.m. trying to get everything on your To Do list done already. I was so tired at work today that I kept making stupid mistakes (as opposed to my more usual intelligent mistakes) and even coffee wasn't keeping me awake. Hello sugar!

Goal of the week: Day 2 of the week-long yoga fest.
Done. Again, after Midnight. This bodes ill for the morrow.



Exercise du jour:30 minutes with Michael Rhoda-Bhote. I'm starting to get the hang of this rowing exercise stuff. Or at least I'm feeling comfortable about the delusion that I'm starting to get the hang of it.
Done. Finished the rowing at 11:03 p.m. This week, I am nothing if not consistent.


*Okay, also no Twilight movies. I promise. All day.
Okay, a baby star for keeping this vow as well.

A week of Ornish: day 1

Stolen from The Ironic Catholic, who leveraged it from a copyright-free Google images site.

Quote du jour:

[Meditation] satiates the hunger that is not satisfied by food alone. And when your soul is fed, you have less need to overeat. When you directly experience the fullness of life, then you have less need to attempt to fill the void with food.
Other ways of feeding your soul -- that is, healing your isolation -- include: altruism, compassion, massage, psychotherapy, and yoga.
- Dean Ornish

I was browsing through a book written by Dr. Ornish (Eat more, weigh less) and ran across some paragraphs that struck me as worth pondering. So I thought I'd put them up here, one a day for a week, and ponder them.

This quote made me wonder if I should try an experiment.

I don't feel any urge to undergo psychotherapy, massage, or meditation. I'm not seeing any especially altruistic or compassionate things I could do at the moment. But I do have that yoga DVD. Maybe that's a sign.

Goal for the week: One week of daily yoga sessions. See if it makes any diff on the scale.
Done! And with seven minutes to spare before Midnight. I can tell already that it's going to be one of Those weeks.


Yes, I know, to do a true scientific experiment I would have to do this for longer than a week. But if this were a true scientific experiment I would also have to divide myself into a test group and a control group and double-blindfold myself when weighing on the scale and… well, anyway, this is strictly a personal anecdotal study, worthy only of publication in the Journal of Irreproducible Results.

Note: If you want real, proper exercise experiments, go read Charlotte's blog.

I'll still keep up with the aerobic exercise as well.

Exercise du jour: 30 minutes on the elliptical
Done!

friggatriska -- what?

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Word du jour: friggatriskaidekaphobia -- fear of Friday the 13th. Apparently also known as paraskevidekatriaphobia. I'm amazed -- both of these words are in the Urban Dictionary and neither of them have any smutty secondary meanings. I thought it was a law that any word in the U.D. have at least one perverted definition.

Exercise du jour: 3 miles jogging whilst avoiding ladders, black cats, and people who submit words to the Urban Dictionary.

Also, damn it, I'm going to do some yoga before I go to work. I am typing it here and I'm going to hit "publish." That way I'll have to do it. I've been sitting at this computer dithering for the past HOUR. Surprising how I keep doing things like this when I know it's not going to help the situation.
Done! Well, the yoga part anyway. I'll do the jogging tonight.

Done! Well, somewhat. Jogging did take place. As did walking, sweating, and swearing at myself. This is the last damn time I try a 5k when it's hot. After I finished, the temperature gauge said it was 95 degrees in the shade -- at 8 pm. When I looked at myself in the mirror, even I was shocked at how red I was, and as a fair-skinned Irish-American, I'm used to turning brick red at the slightest exertion. The only good part is that it's done.

Time's a-wastin'

But at my back I always hear
Time's winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
- Andrew Marvell

Some facts to consider:

It's May.

It's beautiful outside.

Everywhere I look I see people cycling, jogging, soaking up the sunshine and enjoying being fit.

The bastards.



Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call any of you healthy fit people bad names. I'm just a little jealous, okay? I'll be good now. Honest.

I'm still a bit shaky from the headache, which has now come back for the sixth day this week, but I have to get back into the exercise routine. I am feeling increasingly compelled to kick it into gear.

Plus, having a headache makes me call people names even when they don't deserve it.

I have been taking it easy because I'm afraid of injury and losing my momentum. But hell, after two months sitting in a cubicle, my momentum has upped and left me for someone with weekends off. So what? I have to push myself anyway. No point sitting around waiting until I feel better, or in the mood. Time's a-wastin'.

For me it is. Not for those people who've been exercising all along, like I should have done.

To be fair to the body, I'll only ask it to do one hour of cardio. The other hour will be stretching and balance stuff. Yoga, in other words.

But always at my back I hear
some anti-yogist whispering near
"Is yoga exercise? Puh-lease, my dear!"

Exercise du jour:
1 hour yoga
1 hour cycling

There's always something, there's always someone

Notes to self:

There's always going to be someone who can run farther or faster than I can.
There's always going to be someone who loses weight quicker and easier* than I do.

There's always going to be something I want that I don't have.
There's always going to be something that I don't like about myself.

Get used to it.

And keep moving.

Exercise du jour: Yoga.
Walked for an hour, so I'm putting up the star even if I didn't actually do the yoga. Any exercise is good.




*At least, it looks easy to an outsider

Hating math, but in love with numbers

Word du jour: Lassitude -- the attitude of a collie after little Timmy falls into the well for the 20th time. "Honestly, that kid needs to learn to swim already."

Alternate definitions:

1.	weariness of body or mind from strain, oppressive climate, etc.; lack of energy; listlessness; languor.

2.	a condition of indolent indifference: the pleasant lassitude of the warm summer afternoon.

-from dictionary.com

The legs are feeling a bit of the old lassitude today, and it is hard to set aside my pre-determined schedule to let my legs have an extra rest day.

I hate math, but I've fallen in love with numbers. I want to see the numbers on the sidebar go up and the numbers on the scale go down. I'm like a miser gloating over her hoard of choice numbers, going back to look at them again later and feel smug.

Silly woman, to value numbers over this body that's faithfully carried me around all these years.

Exercise du jour: Yoga. Maybe with a hot bath afterward.

Lassie photo courtesy:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jacobwhittaker/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Honestly, it's enough to make anyone join the Fat Acceptance movement

Quote du jour: The fat person doesn't have many pleasures. He can't bowl; he can't dance; he can't do anything because he can barely support his own body even just walking -- so he eats. - Jean Nidetch

In case you were wondering, Jean Nidetch was the founder of Weight Watchers.

In fairness to her, that was written over 40 years ago and people (and their attitudes) have changed. My mother cleaned out her pantry and gave me her copy of the original Weight Watchers cookbook. From 1966. The other quote on the back cover talks about how J. Nidetch used to be a compulsive eater and is now a compulsive size 12. I know sizes have changed, but even if that translates nowadays as being a compulsive size 10, I can't imagine anyone bragging about it. Maybe a compulsive size 4.

Not all changes are for the good.

Site du jour: 7 Common survival tactics that will get you killed. Close your eyes and think of California ;)

Exercise du jour: Week 9, day 2 of the c25k. 30 minutes running. Also, I want to -- no, that's not strong enough. I will walk at lunch for an hour. (Really, I will. I got the manual in by the deadline, so I can take a whole hour off at lunch.)
Done! Walked three miles, then jogged for 30 minutes after work. Okay, I did cheat. After 8 minutes, I walked for a whole minute to rest my cramping calf muscles. Then I only added on another 30 seconds at the end of the run. For some reason, this time was a lot harder.

Adventures in shopping

Honestly, it was very simple.

All I wanted was a pair of cycling pants that I could wear to work. That was all.

We're not talking formal wear here: my company is fairly casual as long as you're not scruffy. Something stretchy that I could pair with a long sweater would be fine. Something that doesn't look too much like sweatpants or tights. (Not the kind of cycling pants that make you look like you're wearing a huge diaper on your behind.) Stretchy pants, not too tight, that taper down a bit toward the ankles so you don't have to worry about catching your pants in the bike.

You'd think that would be possible. Well, I'd think that should be possible. But it's the old fat-person catch-22. You can't buy active wear in your size; you're too large. You have to become smaller before you can exercise, okay?

It's a lot less embarrassing to look for clothes since the internet was invented. (Yes, I do remember a time before the internet. I'm old. No need to rub it in.) But not all online clothing stores seem to have grasped the concept of a sizing chart. Their attitude seems to be "It's just a 'large', okay? Whaddya mean what does 'large' mean? Everybody knows what it means. Don't ask me to define large."

Even stores that include a sizing chart are sometimes confused. At bikenhike, the sizing chart for their pants gives the waist and chest sizes that these pants would fit, not the hips. I can only conclude that they intend you to wear their pants in a manner vastly different than the way I wear pants.

Thank goodness for Team Estrogen!

Exercise du jour: Cycle to work and back. And an hour's walking at lunch. I've been slacking off on the lunch-time walking, but that's stupid. One of the managers at work has a slogan "work harder, not smarter." I've been unconsciously adopting this motto. No more. I will back away from the desk and walk at lunch. I swear it.
Well, that'll teach me not to do so much swearing, damn it. Hopeless, helpless, and hapless day. Used to be a time when I could work a 13-hour day and leave feeling fresh and optimistic. (Okay, maybe not, but at least I wouldn't feel like a complete @#!$, !$#!, and %$@^.) If I could have least have turned in a decent manual, I'd have felt a bit better. Summary: no exercise, lots of work i.e. I sat at a desk all day. And ate 4, I'm not exaggerating, 4 cups of celery.

Who cares if I lose weight?

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For all my bitching when I fail to drop a pound, it's still just numbers on the scale. I'm posting this here so I don't lose track of my fundamental goal.

What I want is to be fit: to be able to run and not get out of breath, to be flexible enough to do all the yoga poses that the instructor can, to get down on the floor and do a bunch of push ups just because.

I think it will be easier to do all these things if there's less of me trying to do them, and I think that I will get thinner as I practice living in a healthy way, but being thin is not really the point. Being able is the point.

Exercise du jour: Cycling to work & back. If I can fit it in, an hour of yoga as well.
Did an hour's worth of walking instead. In the rain, which as I've previously stated carries a lot of weight with me. Or at least it carried a lot of weight with my sweater. I know I said cycling today, but I woke up too late. Besides, when it comes to exercise it's good to be flexible. Off to do some yoga, to be even more flexible.

Status check: month 2 of Weight Watchers

Are you really curious about this? Okay then, here are the stats after two months on Weight Watchers.

Weight lost
This week: -.8
So far: -9.6 (9 point friggin 6. All it would've taken would be 4 ounces more for me to be just a leeeetle bit happy.)
Average weight loss per week: 1.2 pounds

I am not pleased. Another woman, who joined the week before me, has lost 20 pounds by this weigh-in. (Yes, okay, she does weigh more and work out less. I don't care. I am Not At Home to Ms. Reasonable right now. Everybody is losing weight but me. I'm pissed.)

Total inches lost
Arms: -1/2 inch
Bust: -1 inch
Waist: -4 inches
Hips: -3 inches

What, you think I should cheer up because I'm fitting into smaller pant sizes? Was that Ms. Reasonable I just heard knocking on my door? Sorry, not answering the door. I sat through that WW meeting absolutely starving. I couldn't stand that everyone was talking about food, food, food!

Look, I know it's silly, I know I'm paying too much attention to numbers. I'm still bummed.

Exercise du jour: Cycling to work and back. For that matter, walking at lunch. I'm not working out hard enough, damn it.

Update du later on: Sorry. I wrote most of that last night right after I got home from the meeting. I was tired and ab-so-lute-ly starving, and that tends to make me wear the cranky pants.

I kept it up there because it was honest. Yes, I do want to lose weight as much as the next person, even if the next person is also losing water and muscle as well as fat. I want the weight to come off quickly and stay off forever. I also want a pony, with a pink glittery bridle.

I'll settle for a healthy body that's progressively moving downward on the scale, albeit at the speed of a slug on prozac.

Don't Judge. Just write it down.

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A woman in the Weight Watchers meeting said something that amazed me. Sometimes she'll go to the nearest Taco Bell drive-through and get a huge burrito -- and then not include it in her food tracking. "Why write it down?" she said with a laugh. "It will just be taking all the points that I have for the day."

What boggles the mind is that this woman has been coming to these meetings for months, much longer than I have. She never misses a week. Why? Is this just a social exercise for her? Because I don't see how she can be serious about losing weight or getting fit.

Maybe this is just a game to her, something half-hearted. "I know I should lose weight, so I'll go through the motions -- more or less -- but I don't really want to change."

I've been writing down everything I eat -- even when I go over the allotted number of points -- and when I eat. And why. I thought that was the point of Weight Watchers, tracking the food and exercise. I'm sure that everyone will miss tracking food once in awhile, but I don't understand the reasoning behind not tracking because it's discouraging. That's a challenge you need to face before you can get in shape.

What I've been working on is writing it down without judging. (It's hard not to say negative things about eating food I don't need.) I'm not doing this because I want to beat myself up; the idea is to collect information that I can analyze for patterns. See what I'm doing right, what I'm doing wrong, what I can do about the wrong.

Note: I don't use the flex points a lot, but I have been known to go over my specified number of points sometimes. (Especially during the Christmas and New Year's festivities.) It happens. I write it down.

Seems simple enough, but I'm not sure I should tell other people what I'm doing. (You don't count as other people, by the way. Amazingly non-judgmental group here.) I told another woman at Weight Watchers (not the Taco Bell lady) that sometimes I go over the specified number of points, and she raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Oh, I never use my flex points." Have to say that her tone felt a bit critical. And she's a Lifetime member who's lost 45 pounds, and only returned because she has gained back a few pounds, so I suppose she has the right to think she knows what she's doing. It works for her.

I had to remind myself that just because it works for her, I don't have to feel bad. I suspect my path lies somewhere between Ms. Lifetime and Ms. Taco Bell.


Exercise du jour: Cycling to work and back. Still getting some complaints from the tendons around the lower leg/ankle area, and it's time to get back into cycling anyway. In another month... okay, two... it'll be light enough that I'll be able to do some distance cycling before or after work. Need to get prepared. Plus, I got a new light so I can see and Be Seen while commuting.
Done. Sorta. I mean, I did cycle to and from work, but I cheated and took the Max part way. Yeah, I know. Need to get up earlier next time and be more organized.

Also, an hour's worth of yoga.

Australian Chutzpah

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Site du jour: It's hard to believe a country like Australia could produce both Hugh Jackman and a realtor who has the chutzpah* to sell a hole in the ground (yes, literally) as a home. Who doesn't want a home with "explosive storage magazines" in it?

Exercise du jour: Walking, jogging, yoga.
Exercise fail. When does pain mean refrain? I postponed last night's jogging, and my legs are still cranky this morning. Did the yoga.

*And a similar hole in the ground has already sold, which is one more instance of the truism that there's someone out there for everyone.

Now that's impressive

Site du jour: People said I was mad, mad I tell you, when I announced that I was going to run a 5k at Midnight on New Year's eve. Well, I'm here to say that there are other bloggers out there more extreme than I am. 266 did the polar bear plunge.

Now that's crazy. (In an impressively awesome way.)

Exercise du jour: walking, yoga
Exercise fail. The doctor gave me these 'wonderful pills' that were going to let me eat all the vegetables I could stuff in my mouth and not get sick from all that healthy fiber. Trouble is, the side effects include dizziness and what Wikipedia calls 'blurred visions.' (I'm fairly sure they meant "blurred vision" but all the same -- if you're going to have hallucinations, you don't want them to be blurry!)
Think I'm going to have to see if the doc has other pills I could try instead.