Wednesday, October 21, 2009

A note to self

Quote du jour: In true education, anything that comes to our hand is as good as a book: the prank of a page- boy, the blunder of a servant, a bit of table talk - they are all part of the curriculum.
- Michel de Montaigne

Dear body,

How are you? No, don't answer that, it's what's know as a rhetorical friggin' question already. I know how you're doing. You've been telling me repeatedly.

Look body, enough of the polite talk. Shut the Frapp up already. I don't want to hear about how you feel. For the record, I think you're being totally unreasonable and I don't want to spend any more hours of my life pandering to your continual need to whine and complain when I ask you to do the least little thing. It was unattractive enough when you were a whiny teenager. You're middle-aged, for pete's sake, it's time to at least pretend you're an adult.

Here's the deal:
1. I give you free access to your dream man, Mr. Ice Pack, 20 minutes at a time, several times a day. You have to maintain certain decencies and keep a cloth between you and Mr. Ice Pack at all times. No, really.
2. Mr. Advil will only visit you for the maximum amount allowed on the label. That's it. Trust me, he's just not that into you. Limited visits.
3. You can rest all you want, so long as the boss doesn't fire us. Free rides to and from work, no unnecessary exertion, all the TV you want to watch. Hey, I'll even let you read, so long as you don't need to hold big heavy books.
4. Internet access. Ah, I thought we would reach a snag. Here's the deal. You are NOT allowed to use the laptop. It is not ergonomically friendly and right now that matters. You can only use the poky old dinosaur-era desktop that's buried beneath all those bills in the office. (Remember those bills? You might want to look at them sometime. Before you start getting nasty phone calls from creditors.)

Exercise du jour: Stretching. Every couple of hours. Arms and legs. No, I don't care what the cow-orkers think.


Theresa said...

Poor, Merry. So sorry that your body isn't cooperating with you! No fun!!

JavaChick said...

Wow! Still sore? You really did a number on yourself. Feel better soon!

Dr. J said...

Hey buddy, just checking in to read your funny take on what's happening! Hang in there, you'll feel better. Do you belong to a fitness center? Mine has a cold pool/warm pool for helping those aches and pains. I was in the cold today, and it helped me feel a lot better.

Tricia said...

Awww...sorry to hear your body isn't feeling so great.

WapakGram said...

Here's a virtual massage for you. Wish it was real.

Way to take command! Let me know if it works...I have issues with mine to discuss.

BCB said...

Trying to catch up over here after a week or so of avoiding blogs. First, HUGE congrats on finishing the 200 sit-ups thing! Very impressive.

And OMG, you have shin splints? Those are so painful. Used to get them every summer in HS when I was on the danceline. From dancing (bouncing, really) along parade routes -- ballet slippers with no support and thin cardboard soles hitting miles of asphalt. No fun. Can't really remember what, if anything, I did for them. Of course I was younger and probably my body healed quickly. None of that helps, I know.

Rest. Gentle stretching, but don't overdo that either. Things are torn away from other things. Stretching too much won't allow healing. In fact, if they're really bad, I'm not sure any stretching at all is a good idea until things mend.

andeastu: stretching exercise done while facing east

messymimi said...

Hope your get tough attitude gets you better in a hurry.

The good news is that your sense of humor mechanism is working correctly.