Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Limitations? Bah humbug

Quote du jour: Please drive slowly. Those are cats, not speed bumps.
- A sign next to an alley that I went past today

I don't like acknowledging limitations. Pfui! as Nero Wolfe would say.

I concede that Damn Foot has been a problem in my running schedule, but I was dealing with it. I've gotten accustomed to wearing orthotics, I'm willing to dispense ibuprofen after a run, I'm dealing with it.

Then my body throws me a curve ball out of nowhere, which really pisses me off.

I've been getting more and more stressed about the holidays and the end of the year and all the things left undone that I swore I would get done before that time. I could feel the panic building inside me, but I thought (and rightly) that this was a stupid thing to panic over. So what if I didn't make my goals? They are arbitrary and mostly decided on a whim. I want to get to this point by that time, so let us try for it. Well, sometimes those goals are not within my grasp and I'll just have get it done whenever. It's all good.

Which is fine in theory, but in practice the anxiety kept building up inside me until I really did have a panic attack Monday night. And paid for it on Tuesday with an asthma attack. I could not stop wheezing, so it really was bloody stupid optimistic to venture forth and try to run. (I thought that since the stress-induced asthma was in part caused by stress at work, getting away from work and running would be a help, not a hindrance. I thought wrong.)

Tuesday's run was horrible. I ran about one mile before the lungs made it absolutely clear that they weren't going to play nice and let me get an adequate supply of oxygen. Grrrr... stupid lungs. Stupid body. Why is it playing games like this with me? My legs could have kept going, Damn Foot wasn't complaining, and I still couldn't friggin' get the run in.

Today, I'm taking a vacation day from work to devote myself to all the things I need to get done. Included in this list is yesterday's three mile run. Away from work. Away from incredibly rude co-workers.

Done. Well, sorta. Still not feeling great, so walked one mile and jog/walked three. Better than nothing.



C said...

Oh, Merry. Take care of you.

Judith said...

Yep, better than nothing. I empathise. Take care!

Keith said...

Hmmm. I'm thinking you need to decide what it is that really needs to get done now, and what's optional to get done. Then prioritize accordingly.
Run, important.
Shopping, not.
Avoiding cats, very very very important. Now and always.
Xmas baking, not important, unless you were going to send me some.
Visiting relatives now. Not important now, unless you figure they won't last another week or two. Important later.
Year end work deadlines. Might be important.

Kathy said...

Totally agree with Keith. Keep on trucking, you can do it!! :)

Anonymous said...

Might I also add that the current planetary situation adds nothing positive right now? (Oh, well I did add that anyway.)
It's not you being unable to meet goals, it's the Universe asking you to take a wee rest. Or a brief pause. Which it sounds like you did.
One word: perspective.
(Feel better.)

messymimi said...

Glad you got to take a day off. I hope something interesting, not permanent or extremely bad, but interesting, happens to some of those co-workers.;)

Dr. J said...

My thoughts are with you Merry!

Just go for a walk next time, OK?