Sunday, September 05, 2010

French-kissing a puppy and other tales

I got shot at work the other day.

Well, okay, it was from a nerf gun, but even so. I work in a high-walled cubicle that's set back from the aisle, and not in the general flight path of projectiles, nerfile or otherwise. Still, it came sailing over the tall cubicle and got me in the back.

'"Oops," came the voice of an engineer (from two cubicles over, for heaven's sake).
Another man's voice said, "I told you that one was arced too low."

Turns out they were aiming for the engineer three cubicles over from the nerfssassin. All those math classes and they couldn't figure out how to hit the right target?

Waiting for the Max train home, found myself sitting on a bench watch a man try to persuade his young pit bull that no, it wasn't going to leap onto the tracks or for that matter eat the bubble gum that someone had thrown away. The evil vicious monster* wandered over to me, with a look that plainly said I was supposed to have treats in my pocket. I apologized, but he didn't seem satisfied. He leapt up onto the bench next to me, and stared at me intently. I started to apologize again, when suddenly the dog lunged for my face.**

Turns out what I really needed in life, apparently, was to have my face enthusiastically and very, very thoroughly licked all over. Repeatedly.

I appreciated his devotion to his task, but the owner for some reason saw no problem with trying to carry on a conversation with me while this was going on. I mean, yes, okay, I clearly wasn't annoyed with the eager young dog, but did the man really expect me to respond to his questions? There was no way I could open my mouth without french-kissing a puppy. It was like trying to make small talk with the dentist, except that he usually has got several sharp instruments poking into your gums and there's relatively little slobbering going on. At least, not at my dentist's.

Exercising du jour: Six miles. Maybe not running, but possibly walking/jogging? C'mon, foot, please?

*The adjectives were included to make the story more dramatic.

** Yes, I am trying to make my life sound exciting. Am I over doing it?


messymimi said...

I hope the foot cooperates.

As much as I like dogs, I don't like slobber on my face, either.

Gina said...

Did you get the guy's phone number?

Lisa Deon said...

Did you get the Dog's phone number?

The Merry said...

Didn't get any phone numbers. (Um... if you'd seen the toothless older man holding the leash, you'd understand why.) And I just /know/ the pup wouldn't have called me, that charming son of a bitch.

Gina said...


Shelley said...

Ahh, puppy love. Even if for just a few minutes, there isn't anything like it!