- The desire to blog is similar to all the other biorhythms the flesh is heir to. In other words, the need to blog comes and goes for various reasons:
- Sometimes you just don't have the urge.
- Sometimes habit and momentum keep you going, the way a non-runner can keep jogging along to finish a 5k because she's done the couch-to-5k program and gotten into the habit.
- Sometimes the writing well runs dry, and you're stuck trying to choose between posting a photograph and a deeply profound quotation, or just saying @#!% and going off to catch up on the latest trendy new TV show.
This post is a sum off all those points: I don't want to, habit keeps me typing even though I don't have anything to say and maybe I should just stop.
Why I started this blog
This blog was set up to track and motivate my exercising. "Exercise, try, or post the reason why." I should be blogging about my lack of motivation, trying to reason it out and if possible fix the problem.
What holds me back is the nature of blogging itself.
If I'm not motivated, I said I would blog about that too. Except that when do this, I get a bunch of comments saying "just do it already." What I'm trying to get at is the why behind the non-motivation. If I can figure out what causes the non-m., then I can try to fix the problem instead of always trying to get by on blind bloody-minded stubbornness.
Another problem with posting a blog about lack of motivation
Blogland is an emotional magnifying glass. A little whine is rendered large on the blog, blown up into a melodramatic drama queen rant. A depression fest transforms into an extremely dark post that automatically attracts a horde of light, chipper 'feel better, lol!' comments. Which I find the equivalent of handing a band-aid to someone who's just gotten their arm chopped off: at best it's unhelpful and at the worst it's a blithe slap in the face.
So how do I blog about the problem without the post itself becoming a problem?
See? I'm typing away, trying to do some brainstorming on the page, and instead what my mind is doing is second-guessing (and third-guessing) all the possible outcomes of each road I could go down.
- Haven't exercised much.
- Stuck in an unproductive cycle.
The damn foot feels fine unless I use it. This presents me with a wonderful opportunity to be flexible and devote myself to bike riding and yoga. The trouble is that my mind is on track to run and damn it I don't want no bikes, yogis, or lolipops. I want to achieve the goal I'd set for myself.
I need to break the cycle I've fallen into. I stay at work until late, finishing things up, then I drive home, try to catch up on my social life, stay up late, get up late, get to work late, stay late finishing things up, then I drive home and lather, rinse, repeat. I find it very easy to get depressed about how my life seems stuck in an endless cycle. Interestingly, I don't get depressed when my life is in an endless cycle of exercising. Maybe I'll re-incarnate as a hamster, get my own wheel, and be happy.
Actually, that's pretty much it. To break the cycle, I need to put myself first once in awhile at work. Last time I did that it actually worked better for myself and for the job.
The Plan (Capital letters always look serious and important)
- Goals for this week:
- Be flexible. If the foot says no, go with the flow. Yoga's not bad, neither is cycling. Even if neither is what I want, it's still exercise.
- Be selfish. If I put the exercising first, everybody's happy.
There. At least I've got a plan. I feel much better. Or at least I feel like I've got a plan.