Arguments with a bitch (yes, canine)

Here's a snatch of recent dialog that I had to undergo.

Me: Look, you ungrateful mangy mutt,* hand me your paw so I can make sure your paws are dry.
Tanji: I'd rather not, thank you.
Me: Hey, it's not as if you're an unschooled fresh-from-the-pound Mutt. You were very well trained as a pup, so hand it over.
Tanji: Maybe we could discuss this indoors?
Me: You're not setting paw indoors until I make sure your paws are dry. Those are genuine refinished hardwood floors, you German Shedder, and I do not want you tracking mud or moisture over them. Got that?
Tanji: You're getting upset over nothing. Let's discuss this inside, where it's warm.
Me: Warm, schwarm. I'm not negotiating this.
Tanji: Look, if you're stressed, a nice belly rub will calm you down. Why don't we step inside and you can give me one?
Me: Argh!

Dog update: Yes, she's done it again. For the third year running, her ladyship has let the allergies get to her. As a result, she's scratched off half the fur on her sides. This is better than previous years (so far) as there are still patches of fur on her, but even so she's gotten rid of all the nice, warm insulating undercoat just in time for winter.

Last year, I feverishly knitted her a sweater to wear in the cold weather. Note: this is a Whole Lot More Work than it sounds. I do not knit. When people talk knitting or crocheting or felting, my normal response is to put my fingers in my ears and hum loudly until they go away. Nevertheless, like a good human, I got a How-To-Knit book and some yarn and knitted her what turned out to be the canine equivalent of a muumuu.

Lana Turner, eat your heart out

This morning, the weather was in the 30s when I left for work. So, I brought out the ole sweater and put it on the dog.

Judging by where I found it when I got home tonight, it was on her for about 4.3 minutes.**

@#$, @#$, and @#!$!^%!@$#!@#$!@#%!#!

I'm thinking out a new plan. I figure I'll let her deal with 30 degree temperatures tomorrow.

Yes, this does cause me a pang, but she's so stubborn! She won't believe me when I tell her it's too cold to go bare skinned. Better now than in December.

Then, the next day, I'll let her outside long enough to roll in the grass (and hopefully catch her before any lawn scrapage occurs) while putting her sweater in the dryer for a minute or so. After it's warm and she's cold, I figure she might get the idea that sweaters are a Good Thing. It's worth a try.

Exercise du jour: Went for an hour's walk at lunch with a colleague. The only strange part was that he seemed to think I'd never walked this route before. I've been at this office for over four years now and walked this scenic path several times. But still, he was nice and it was good to have the company. Not all my co-workers believe in the Importance of Walks, so it is nice to find one who does.


*Okay, a purebred Mutt with an impeccable if a trifle linebred pedigree
** She has a routine. Every morning when I put her out, she scratches another new pit in my nice green lawn*** and rolls around trying to scratch her back. I found the sweater by the latest pit.
*** Well yes, if I could catch her digging the pit, I could chastise her. Doing it after the fact doesn't help the situation much.